So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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