She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
