The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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