I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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