first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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