All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Your dad touched me again.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
