i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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