4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
