So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
is that a dick in a sweater?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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