Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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