yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
