Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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