Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I want to be your penis for a week.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
