i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
