I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
