I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize