I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
