Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize