careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize