she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
