after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
