I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He felt like a one man threesome
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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