fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
third nipple confirmed
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
