Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
this is an emotional support booty call
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
