The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
