A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
