i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize