Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
