You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
