Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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