We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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