Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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