Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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