My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we have pet lesbian snakes
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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