I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
