she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
