chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I haven't been this sober since birth.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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