i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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