Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize