i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
