Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
