At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
