there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
