Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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