I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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