Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
