did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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