How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
