.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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