why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
