you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
