eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
