I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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