Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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