I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
