dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You took a bar mat shot.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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