I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
