First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
