the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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