Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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