HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize