Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
