small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
