Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
