If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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