yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize