Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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