Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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