I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
