I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
