Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Never joke about your clitoris.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
