Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
