my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im just a social blackout drinker.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
