So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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