at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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