Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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