Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
so much tequila, so little girl.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
