So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
