Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Randomize
