We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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