I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
