I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
