its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
