I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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