I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
honey bunches of taint.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize