So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think people are normalizing furries
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
