He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
