I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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