I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
