we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
