Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize