I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
