Soap is not a condiment
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
