How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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