got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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