I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
