so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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