it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
