Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
