What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
